 In Case You Missed It Dept.: Al Gore was ticketed in Sweden Friday for leaving his car idling in an auditorium parking lot for one hour. He was inside delivering a speech about global warming. The steady hour-long drone really interfered with the event, but that's the way Al Gore talks. The White House released logistical details Friday of President Obama's trip to India next week. He's taking forty planes full of people plus two Air Force Ones and both his Marine One helicopters. World oil prices jumped five dollars a barrel on supply concerns. Senator Tom Coburn reported Friday the U.S. government sent one billion dollars to dead people in the last ten years for Social Security payments, medical expenses, rent, wheelchairs and farm subsidies. It includes a hundred million on medicine prescribed by dead doctors for dead patients. It's a disgrace the way Congress panders to Chicago voters. Election Day arrived Tuesday with the U.S. economy the number-one issue among U.S. voters. Only a last-minute turnout could have saved the Democrats. President Obama spent all weekend on the campaign trail offering hope and change and zero-percent financing. President Obama scheduled no public appearances Monday as he braced for Election Day. Yesterday's catastrophic losses were caused by opposition to his health care plan. He's not worried, however, because his health care plan covers catastrophic losses. The New York Times ran an article about President Obama last Sunday which took note of how much grayer his hair has gotten during his two years in office. This amounts to piling on. You know he's in trouble when liberals complain that even his hair isn't black enough. President Obama ripped Arizona's immigration law Friday and painted Democrats as the natural ally of Hispanics. He sincerely believes that Hispanics and black people get along out West. It proves once and for all that he's never been in federal prison or to a public high school. President Obama met with reporters Wednesday, one day after the American voters gave him a terrible beating. In two years he's gone from Jesus Christ to Rodney King. Last night Johnnie Cochran appeared to Barack Obama in a dream and told him he's got a case. Election Day saw a record turnout Tuesday thanks to beautiful weather and a massive GOP turnout. The shoe was clearly on the other foot. After the congressional election result was posted, Indonesia offered the Democrats millions in tsunami relief. President Obama took forty airliners full of supporters to India Thursday. His trip is costing U.S. taxpayers two hundred million dollars per day. You can always tell when a marriage is breaking up because somebody starts spending money like water. Oklahoma voters elected their first woman governor Tuesday and they banned any use of Islamic law in Oklahoma courts. Local rules apply. No woman in Oklahoma will be stoned for committing adultery unless she gets caught in a hailstorm during Ramadan. President Obama flew to India on Air Force One Friday followed by forty airliners full of staffers and friends. He also ordered thirty-four U.S. warships and an aircraft carrier to accompany him. Most guys going through a mid-life crisis simply buy a red Corvette. The White House rented out all six hundred rooms of the Taj Mahal Palace Hotel for President Obama Friday. The hotel staff draped fine nets on the balcony to shield the president from monkeys that sling poo. Where were they last week when he needed them? President Obama arrived in India Friday where he will enjoy a state dinner and give a televised speech. Obama has one great advantage when speaking to the people of this country. If his Teleprompter breaks down while he's in India, tech support is a local call. President Obama vowed Wednesday to rebuild the connection he lost with American voters. He spent the last year engaging voters in backyard chats. He was going to do front yard chats but then you get the foreclosure sign in the picture. -- Argus Hamilton All year long, the Democrats were telling people to "get out and vote." Then people told the Democrats, "We voted, now get out!" I loved how the different news networks covered the elections. On MSNBC, it was called "Election Night 2010: What Went Wrong?" At Fox News, it was "Election Night 2010: Party!" Tuesday was bad for President Obama. Voters threw away the hope and just went for the change. Obama lost 66 Democrats — and not one of them was Joe Biden. Ohio Republican John Boehner will take over for Nancy Pelosi. Those are some big eyes to fill. -- Leno The final poll before Election Day shows that 55 percent of Americans plan to vote for Republicans, while 40 percent plan to vote for Democrats. I guess Obama is finally going to get that change he was talking about. It seems most experts are predicting that Republicans will win back the House tomorrow. When Americans heard that they were like, "Wait, we can win back our houses?" President Obama sent out an e-mail encouraging his supporters to take at least three friends with them to vote. That's not how people vote — that's how women go to the bathroom. The unemployment rate has gone up — by about 65 Democrats. -- Jimmy Fallon The Democrats lost the house. Big deal, a lot of Americans lost their houses. Why shouldn't they? President Obama will be traveling to India. After Tuesday's election, he decided to move there. -- Jimmy Kimmel You can tell it's winter. The Democrats have gone into hibernation. In Washington D.C., volunteers were washing the mud off Democrats and releasing them back into the wild. Voters didn't like how President Obama was handling the economy. Wait a minute — he was handling the economy? Nobody's laughing at my John Boehner tattoo now. The president is going to India. He'll be traveling on Air Force One-Term. -- Letterman President Obama is getting ready to leave Washington. Not leaving for good — he'll do that in a couple years. India is famous for its Darjeeling tea, but President Obama won't be interested in tea parties of any kind. -- Craig Ferguson ----------------------------------------------- Breaking ... Authorities are trying to talk Nancy Pelosi down off the Golden Gate Bridge. Nancy stated that "Now that the Republicans are in power I'm afraid to jump, the Republicans are terrible polluters and want to destroy the oceans." The Authorities replied "Well Nancy, your going to have to jump first to find out what's in it ..."  | ||||
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