The Great Fruit & Vegetable Conspiracy
I was more amused than a Libertarian under the influence of nitrous
oxide at a free clinic. It was some Right wing politician--who shall
remain nameless because I forgot his name--who said something totally
asinine! "So, what else is new?" you might ask. I think these Right
wing think tanks script their talking points just to rankle the Left
wing intelligentsia; those cocktail-sipping WASPs who eat dead cow on
expensive china just like to take the piss out of everybody.
In the 1960's, The John Birch Society, a Right wing conspiracy group,
claimed that the Beatles were Manchurian candidates from the Soviet
Union who were sent to the US in order to seduce all females into
becoming screaming barbarians. It was during the hysteria, they
insisted, that Russian troops would quietly march in and take over!
Well, I think they were wrong. It wasn't the Beatles; it was the
Herman's Hermits, God damn it!
So let's get back to the Right wing politician who was speaking at
some senior citizens home. Now, I am paraphrasing here. He said,
"The federal government is going to call you up to make sure you eat
your fruits and veggies; if you don't, then they'll send you to a FEMA
concentration camp! This is Socialism in the highest order!" Shit!
Did I miss "Karl Marx's Vegan Recipe Book?" I read "Das Kapital" and
"The Communist Manifesto," but I never saw that one. Maybe Amazon has
it? But I digress…
Let's ruminate about this allegation. The government forcing you to
eat healthy! Hmmm! Cue new age music. Give me a minute…Okay…I've got
it!
Basic economics is comprised of two principles: supply and demand.
Most of us know that--unless you're a Tea Bagger or live in Orange
County, California. If you're in the commercial food industry or
agriculture, how do you create a demand for fruit and vegetables? You
could advertise on television. You could ensure a product placement
in the latest action movie or romantic comedy. Or…you could use
government! Oh, but I thought government is the mortal enemy of free
enterprise?! Well, contrary to popular belief, big business loves
government! In California, many years ago, the state passed a
compulsory car insurance act. If a cop stopped you and your car
wasn't insured, you would end up a jail cell with Charlie Manson. Did
this hurt the insurance companies? Hell no! They got fatter than a
Republican in a country club.
Let's get hypothetical here. What would happen if the government
forced you to eat fruits and veggies? Well per basic econ, the
government has created a demand. So--you know what those evil
Socialists did: They helped the food industry! (Unless Obama and his
Marxist cohorts are well prepared, I highly doubt the Obama
administration will nationalize the food industry!) So what happens
next? The food industry hires more workers and transportation
companies roll onto the super highway of profit! The stockholders
make more on their investments! Everybody is happy! Except for the
medical and big pharma industry: There will be less illness! So what
caused that? The Government!
And that, my friends, is how free enterprise works! Socialism and
capitalism is symbiotic and not adversarial!
So America: Eat your fruit & veggies! Or the Nanny State will give
you a time out!
Warning: This link will take you to a video that may be offensive to
some. If you find sexism not humorous, please do not click link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6T5VQWE42s
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