Santorum Makes Campaign Swing Through Seventeenth CenturyBlasts
Contraception, Electricity, Soap
THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY (The Borowitz Report) – In an effort to
underscore his core beliefs leading up to this Tuesday night's primary
contests, former Sen. Rick Santorum made a campaign swing through the
Seventeenth Century today.
At the first stop of his ambitious journey, Mr. Santorum restated his
reason for seeking the White House: "I am running for President today
because the position of Spanish Inquisitor is no longer available."
The former Pennsylvania Senator served up red meat to his
seventeenth-century supporters, telling them, "Since we all agree that
contraception is a bad idea, it's time to take a harder look at
electricity and soap."
Mr. Santorum, who said that in his first day in office he would repeal
the Age of Enlightenment, stressed that he had home-schooled all seven
of his children: "That means there are at least eight people in this
country who don't understand evolution."
In a lighter moment, Sen. Santorum told his audience what he said was
his favorite joke: "A Kenyan, a Muslim and a socialist walk into a
bar. And then he makes everyone get an abortion."
Elsewhere on the campaign trail, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich
scored points with this comment on education: "We should leave no
child behind, only wives."
More:
AmdyBorowitz.com
--
Together, we can change the world, one mind at a time.
Have a great day,
Tommy
--
Together, we can change the world, one mind at a time.
Have a great day,
Tommy
--
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