Saturday, September 11, 2010

mild a/c jokes




 

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom.. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

The pharmacist fainted. 

An old lady dies and goes to heaven.
She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates
when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood curdling screams.

Don't worry about that,' says St. Peter,
'It's only someone having the holes drilled into her shoulder blades for the wings.'

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. A few minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams. 'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady, 'now what is happening?'

'Not to worry,' says St. Peter,
'She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.'

'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell.'

'You can't go to that nasty place,' says St. Peter.
'You'll be raped and taken advantage of.'

'Maybe so,' says the old lady, but I've already got the holes for that.'

WACKY NEIGHBORS
 
   
We all like to think that we have got the worst neighbors in the world. But, I assure you that compared to the neighbors you will see in the pictures below, you definitely haven't got the worst of the lot. How people can continue to live around people like these is anybody's guess. But, there is little doubt, that they do provide a source of amusement.
Wacky Neighbors 1
From neighbors dressed in Goth attire and carrying scythes to those wearing masks and capes of the superheroes, the variety here is vast. Then there are those who choose to wear close to nothing at all, whether it is appropriate or not. There are some amusing ones like the guy who is definitely saving on his electricity bill by pointing to well lit house on his side during the festive season. The other really funny one is the guy who has drawn the image of a car on the snow that has completely covered his vehicle.
Wacky Neighbors 2
Wacky Neighbors 3
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Wacky Neighbors 6
Wacky Neighbors 7
Wacky Neighbors 8
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Wacky Neighbors 10
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Wacky Neighbors 17
Wacky Neighbors 18
Wacky Neighbors 19
Wacky Neighbors 20
 
 
 
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

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