Amazing Romney News

From Andy Borowitz

Warning: Strong language



NEW 2012 POLL:
Majority of Republicans Guess They Have to Support Fucking Romney
Lack of Other Option Cited


NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – In what Romney campaign insiders are
hailing as a sign that the party faithful are rallying around the
former Massachusetts governor, a new poll released today shows that a
majority of Republican voters agree with the statement, "I guess I
have to support fucking Romney."

When asked why they were now ready to cast their vote for Mr. Romney,
a majority of those Republicans polled "strongly agreed" with the
statement, "Why do you think? No one else is fucking running anymore.
Stop asking such stupid fucking questions. I don't need this shit."

Underscoring the sense that he is now the presumptive nominee, the
Romney campaign unveiled a new slogan this morning, "You Have No Other
Options Anymore. Start Dealing With It, Losers."

After sweeping five primary states Tuesday night, Mr. Romney was
exultant, telling supporters in Manchester, N.H., "I love American
democracy. I'm good friends with the owners of it."

The wins by Mr. Romney forced former House Speaker Newt Gingrich to
suspend his campaign, telling reporters that he was leaving the race
"to spend more time with my families."

As for former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, he offered Mr.
Romney this endorsement during an appearance on CNN: "Yeah, I guess I
support him, because, well duh, I have absolutely no other choice.
Right? I mean, really, Piers, what kind of moronic question is that?
I guess this goes to show that you can be a total douchebag and still
win the nomination if you have the most dough. I mean come on -- this
whole situation makes me want to throw up. My only consolation is
that on Judgment Day I'm going to Heaven, and we'll have to see what
happens to Mr. Magic Underpants. Haha. Yeah. Sweet."

More:
Borowitzreport.com

--
Together, we can change the world, one mind at a time.
Have a great day,
Tommy



--
Together, we can change the world, one mind at a time.
Have a great day,
Tommy

--
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