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From: FRESH FROM THE CUBE <listmaster@peoplescube.com>
Date: Mon, Aug 2, 2010 at 2:16 PM
Subject: WaybackWhen: The Video Game of Better Times and Places

WaybackWhen: The Video Game of Better Times and Places Are you a lover of fantasy fiction feeling trapped in the 21st century with its corporations, consumerism, and other depressing aspects of Western prosperity? Are you a Progressive with a passionate longing for the pre-capitalist Golden Age of non-profit manufacturing, organic farming, and collectivist cultures thriving amidst non-industrial landscapes? Then WaybackWhen™ is for you! Created for Western audiences by Nostalgia Productions in Taiwan, WaybackWhen™ is a set of escapist video games giving you the ultimate virtual experience of yesteryears no matter your cultural heritage. The scientifically accurate feel of the past is achieved by combining the three features that dominated the pre-industrial era: Poverty, Bad Hygiene, and Invasion. The set consists of several themes that can be patched together and played in no particular order: The Old Country: a fully loaded reenactment that will remind the player very sorely of why his family left their ancestral lands. ~ The Iron Fist: those who want a simulacrum of life under leadership of the wise and great, can relive epic tales of desperate and bloody scrambling under the aegis of sociopathic nutcases like Genghis Khan, Hitler, Attila, Stalin, Pol Pot, Torquemada, Montezuma, Sardanapalus, and Idi Amin. Body odor provided by customer. Pristine Environment: our back-to-the-nature customers will love this virtual world filled with mosquitoes, failed crops, dead and rotting livestock, battalions of crows, raccoons, assorted rampaging wolves, termites and grizzly bears. Enjoy the bucolic, carbon-footprint-free absence of electricity, soap, running water, tools, clothes, appliances, plastics, metals, or anything else manufactured by plundering and defacing Mother Earth. Keep Those Bastards Off The Ark: meet Devonian, Triassic and Jurassic creatures you are lucky to have missed by being born in this time. Many of them are fearsomely ugly and extremely stupid predators with habits and tastes that are inexplicable to us if they are possibly understood by God. Cemetery From Hell: a role-paying category that offers you farewell jousts at close quarters with distant family members you have never known and whose insensitivity and villainous behavior are making you hate yourself for who you are, tasking you with responsibility to redeem their collective sins. Work out your white guilt by beating the crap out of your slave-owning great-great-great typical white grandmother. Burn your imperialist ancestor's log cabin in 19th century Wyoming and scream in his face that you hate him for driving indigenous people off their lands. Infiltrate the Alamo and steal their food and ammunition. Help General Santa Anna to dismantle illegal settlements in Texas. You program the details; we provide the action. Workers' Paradise: those who control the past, control the future! This centrally planned game teleports you to a people's democracy of your choice: Cuba, North Korea, or now defunct Soviet Union with its Eastern Bloc allies. You may be pressing the buttons, but it's the government that decides your next move. Spend unforgettable hours of waiting in line, starting around the block from the food store and slowly moving towards the objective. Major challenges: someone cuts in the line and the food runs out before you reach the counter. Receive a Five-Year-Plan quota from the government and fulfill it in four years despite the lack of materials and spare parts. Cheat codes are available. Increase life expectancy by subscribing to the official Party organ, which is also your only version of toilet paper. Advance to a new level by reporting on your communal apartment neighbor and move into his room after he gets arrested. This level requires sharp instincts and fast reflexes: if you don't act fast, it is you who will be interrogated as your neighbor's mother-in-law moves into your quarters. Don't despair - A Trip To The Gulag extension will satisfy your urge to live in a proletarian dictatorship just as well. (All references to the People's Republic of China have been expunged on request by Chinese government). WaybackWhen is the ultimate educational aide for public school students with aversion towards work, parents, and civilization as a whole, which they see as a tool of oppression. The game will transport them to another reality, where they can relive the lives of more fortunate teenagers from the previous centuries with such additional plugins as The Whipping Boy, Village Idiot, Meet the Vikings, and Rape by King's Soldiers. The survivors will in most cases return to their parents as respectful and appreciative sons and daughters, never again taking what they have for granted. To enhance your WaybackWhen experiences, every purchase comes with a month-worth supply of discount coupons from Vintage Foods, our Panamanian subsidiary that will provide you with warm rotting meats, limp vegetables, tepid beer, and unfiltered water from a river in a geographical area of your choosing, filled with region-specific bacteria. For the clientele who have had enough and prefer other worlds, we have a theme set in a giant padlocked spaceship that is moored in a Jersey City port and goes nowhere. A full collection of works by L. Ron Hubbard is optional. Why, one may ask, should one buy such a game from a Taiwanese manufacturer, even at a lower price, when similar elaborate amusements are being offered by American firms? We are more authentic about your history because we didn't see all those Hollywood movies or taken history classes in your Ivy League schools. Also because it is not our past. We do not romanticize ours and have absolutely no desire to go back in time. We love our present. Trust us, nobody is offering a comparable game about Taiwan in Taiwan. COMING SOON: Multiculturalist Action Video Game Explore various cultures of the world with these memorable activities: Genital mutilation: give yourself and your loved ones a gift of cliterectomy with a sharpened bone of a vulture and no anesthesia. Stoning: throw rocks at the neighbor's half-buried wife and see if she will moan exactly how you had fantasized about it all this time. Voodoo: get covered in pulsating animal entrails as you send a plague on the house of your corporate employer. You are what you eat: crash a mysterious initiation ritual in a cannibal village and don't forget to use flash while taking pictures. And many more unforgettable activities that will burn a message on top of your brain that all cultures are equality valid and acceptable as partners in redistributing world's resources. This story was a joint project with our friend Matthew Paris, who came up with the original idea of WaybackWhen video games and offered some of their implementations. MORE >>

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