On Jul 28, 8:16 am, Travis <baconl...@gmail.com> wrote:
> [image: CAP News]
> The general populace agrees that if more air guitarists looked like this
> rather than (see below), the activity might be more enticing.
> Judge Rules Air Guitar "Not Real Music"
>
> NEW YORK CITY (CAP) - A judge in the United States District Court for the
> Southern District of New York has ruled that despite visual appearances to
> the contrary, air guitar cannot be considered real music and those who play
> it should not be given the fame and attention afforded real musicians who
> have spent years actually learning how to play the instruments.
>
> "Oh, and groupies. I forgot to mention groupies," U.S. District Judge Kevin
> Castel said as he handed down his ruling. "In fact, I have half a mind to
> prosecute all those people who actually spent four hours of their lives
> watching the National Air Guitar Championships.
>
> "Shouldn't you all be home playing Rock
> Band<http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?id=200809008>or something?"
> Castel asked.
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>
> The District Court's ruling comes at a time when air guitar enthusiasts are
> seeking recognition as a legitimate activity alongside the likes of running
> on a treadmill, live action role playing and judging one's actual popularity
> and self-worth by the number of accumulated online friends on social
> networking sites.
>
> "Dude, these callouses on my fingers didn't just appear by themselves," said
> National Air Guitar contestant Derek Schmidt, a roofer from Ridgewood, NJ.
> "And when I fell to the stage during my classic rendition of Eddie Van
> Halen's Eruption, I hurt my knee. I think that makes it pretty real."
>
> Members of the air guitar community say they plan to appeal the ruling and
> say they have the support of their colleagues in the desk drummers and
> dashboard keyboardists associations. However, law pundits believe they have
> an uphill battle ahead of them after VH1 recently opted not to add a mime
> show <http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?id=200707013> to its programming
> lineup.
>
> "I mean, air guitar is pretty much just miming with background music," said
> CAP News law consultant Joey Gouger <http://audio.php/?id=85>. "Reminds me
> of one of my old cases, City Of Pittsburgh v Skin Flute Society - although,
> actually, I think that was something totally different. Nevermind."
>
> Gouger said he thinks the air guitarists could make a pretty good case for
> themselves if they draw on the likes of Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears and
> Janet Jackson - none of whom have ever sung an actual word during a live
> show yet "rake in the dough" while on tour. He also points to the Rolling
> Stones' use of animatronics for member Ron Wood, who's actually been dead
> for 17 years.
>
> "I don't want to denigrate the art of the air guitar," Castel said in his
> ruling. "But air guitar is to music what auto racing is to sports: you gotta
> be pretty damn drunk to see how one is even remotely related to the other."
>
> The National Air Guitar Championships represent another in a fine line of
> quality ideas to make its way to America from Europe over the past decade,
> including the likes of the Big Brother TV show, men in tiny Speedo
> swimsuits<http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?id=200802021>,
> and BP.
>
> "Hell, we defeated the metric system, you'd think we could knock off this
> other junk as well," said CAP News intern Ryan, who promised to get coffee
> for the entire office for a week if we quoted him in a story. "Although
> Ariadne Artiles is welcome to stay. At my place, even."
>
> We then reminded Ryan that he still lives with his mother and she likely
> wouldn't want the 28-year-old Spanish model sitting across the dinner table
> from either her son or her husband and distracting them from the succulent
> meal of broiled chicken, instant rice and broccoli spears. He agreed and
> went to fetch us half-n-half.
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> CAP NEWS AUDIO
> Phonics Rehab Center <http://www.crystalair.com/audio.php?id=78>
> [image: Phonics Rehab Center] <http://www.crystalair.com/audio.php?id=78>
> If your child has taken his addiction to phonics too far for his own good,
> enter him in the one detox program proven effective for all kids.
> FROM THE VAULT
> [image: Study: Most Of Stimulus Spent On Hookers]
> <http://www.crystalair.com/story.php?id=200907007>
> July 15, 2009
>
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