ABC To Debut "Shit Yourself" This Summer
HOLLYWOOD (CAP) - Looking to seize upon the humiliation and embarassment that drives audiences to the reality game-show genre, ABC will follow its summer slop fest Wipeout with the all new Shit Yourself next month.
The show will include contestants engaged in various tasks and miseries where the winner receives modest cash prizes and the losers shit themselves on national television.
"It's going to be hilarious," said network executive Hack Twitson. "The kids, especially, are just going to love it. Our research shows that feces is going to equal big, big ratings."
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In the premier episode, a Girls Gone Wild all-star reject cast of sorority pledges downs Jello shots until the point of defecation. Other episodes include germaphobes playing Twister on the floor of a public bathroom and newlyweds feeding each other flying bugs that range from common mosquitos to South American species the size of a small cat.
Later this summer, Shit Yourself will include a pair of Law & Order-style "ripped from the headlines" editions as truck drivers are strapped to the guard rail at an interstate rest stop as gas prices are raised to $6 a gallon, and Kentucky residents who still display the Confederate flag in their living rooms have their eyes held open with tooth picks as they watch video after video of Barack Obama speeches.
Producers are also already planning Celebrity Shit Yourself featuring the hijinks of former wrestling superstar Iron Sheik, former child actor Tiffany "Small Wonder" Brissette, disgraced one-time hottie Tara Reid and Fab Morvan from Milli Vanilli.
"The Sheik puts the robot girl from Small Wonder in the camel clutch at five minutes to the hour and there's no way she doesn't drop the deuce," Twitson salivated. "It's water-cooler heaven."
ABC is expected to launch the Shit Happens All Over America advertising campaign during other crappy summer programming over the next couple of weeks.
Shit Yourself will be hosted by actor and Growing Pains dad extraordinaire Alan Thicke.
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Save yourself the embarassment of passing away in public without proper protection. Always carry your own personal body bag.
FROM THE VAULT
June 23, 2009
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