Re: Big Book of Bird Brains.

I have TWO Big Books that I try my best to live my life by

On Dec 28, 10:14 am, Travis <baconl...@gmail.com> wrote:
>   [[ Let me know if the pics don't come through.]]
>
>   *Subject:* Big Book of Bird Brains
>
>  [image: Bfhbigbook]
>
> *Species: The Downy Gorepecker *(*Fatuous Bastardus*)
>
> *Habitat: *Private Jets, Humongous Houseboats, Gigantic Mansions, Hollywood
> Buttocks.
>
> *Voice: *In flight a screeching trill evocative of a pithed frog gargling
> ground glass. When at rest stunned "no press" silence, but the empty
> knocking of the head on tree trunks can be heard wherever Climategate emails
> are read.
>
> *Diet: *Feeds on aging hippies, gullible econazis and other small insects.
>
> *Range:* Once global but lately confined to a small section of his basement
> where the splotched draft pages of his magnum opus, "I, Gore" line the
> floor.
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/292/article/plugheaded.jpg?1...]
>
> *Species: Plug-Headed Dodo* (*Gaffis Bidonius*)
>
> Habitat: Motorcades, empty stadiums, waiting rooms.
>
> Voice: Imagine a chimpanzee talking through a snorkel. Make it louder.
>
> Diet: Crow.
>
> Range: Can be found without warning anywhere except the Oval Office.
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/293/article/loon.jpg?1291617354]
>
> *Species: Rat Faced Loon *(*Humongus Nostrilus*)
>
> Habitat: Nests frequently found in pockets of Big Pharma and Dreamworks.
>
> Voice: Flatulent.
>
> Diet: Flatulence.
>
> Range: Migrates between House of Representatives cloakroom and homeless
> shelters in Southern California.
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/298/article/redrobbin.jpg?12...]
>
> *Species: Red Robbin' *(*Screwuvious Obamanationis*)
>
> Habitat: Constantly aloft but similar to that of the Bower Bird.
>
> Voice: Hybrid of JFK, MLK, Ice-T.
>
> Diet: American taxpayer.
>
> Range: Global (with the exception of the Oval Office).
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/300/article/ducks.jpg?129161...]
>
> *Species: Lame Ducks* (*Dumbius *and *Dumberus*)
>
> Habitat: Foggy Bottom, Avenue K.
>
> Voice: Squawks, shrieks, can be lured with Palin duck call.
>
> Diet: Coprophagic.
>
> Range: If led slightly can be brought down with double-ought buck
>
> .
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/296/article/vulture.jpg?1291...]
>
> *Species: Massive Bill Vulture* (*Scumsukingus Pigus*)
>
> Habitat: Casinos, union halls, and wherever fine graft is served
>
> Voice: The faint susurration common to all fork-tongued reptiles. Amplified.
>
> Diet: Livers of American children yet unborn.
>
> Range: Assisted living facilities from Georgetown to Reno.
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/295/article/yellowbellied..j...]
>
> *Species: Yellow Bellied Tax Sucker* (*Fellationitus Hagnonymous*)
>
> Habitat: Your wallet.
>
> Voice: Your ex. Yes, that one.
>
> Diet: Botox.
>
> Range: Soon to be limited by commercial aviation.
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/297/article/SCOowl.jpg?12916...]
>
> *Species: Scowl *(*Flotus Dementis*)
>
> Habitat: Throne
>
> Voice: The man behind the curtain. (Pay no attention.)
>
> Diet: All your Twinkies belong to us.
>
> Range: Hawaiian beaches to the Costa del Sol
>
> .
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/294/article/condo.jpg?129161...]
>
> *Species: Domician Condo* (*Lyintous Diddendoit*)
>
> Habitat: House of Representatives doghouse.
>
> Voice: A living insult to Martin Luther King.
>
> Diet: Pre and post tax income.
>
> Range: Harlem to Dominican Republic.
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/299/article/parrot.jpg?12916...]
>
> *Species: Gutless Parrot* (*Slobberina Droolcuptin*)
>
> Habitat: White House Meet the Depressed Room
>
> Voice: Of "Truth"
>
> Diet: Presidential droppings.
>
> Range: Potentially from A to Z but stopping at B
>
> .
>
> [image:http://s3.amazonaws.com/rightnetwork-cms/301/article/correctFlamingo....]
>
> *Species: Pink Flim-Flamingo* (*Silverdadin Twinkus*)
>
> Habitat: The Anvil. The Ramrod. The Basement.
>
> Voice: Borrowed from Elmer Fudd in 1962. Never returned.
>
> Diet: Don't ask. Don't tell.
>
> Range: Medium to high falsetto. Depending on stimulation.
>
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