For those who don't know, Dennis Miller is a comedian who has a show called
Dennis Miller Live on HBO. Although he is not Jewish, he recently had the
following to say about the Middle East situation:
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'A brief overview of the situation is always valuable, so as a service
to all Americans who still don't get it, I now offer you the story of
the Middle East in just a few paragraphs, which is all you Really need.
Here we go:
The Palestinians want their own country. There's just one thing about that:
There are no Palestinians. It's a made up word. Israel was called Palestine
for two thousand years. Like 'Wiccan,' 'Palestinian' sounds ancient but is
really a modern invention. Before the Israelis won the land in the
1967 war, Gaza was Owned by Egypt, the West Bank was owned by Jordan, and there were no'Palestinians.'
As soon as the Jews took over and started growing oranges as big as
basketballs, what do you know, say hello to the 'Palestinians,'
weeping for their deep bond with their lost 'land' and 'nation.'
So for the sake of honesty, let's not use the word ' Palestinian' any more
to describe these delightful folks, who dance for joy at our deaths until
someone Points out they're being taped. Instead, let's call them what they are:
'Other Arabs Who Can't Accomplish Anything In Life And Would Rather Wrap
Themselves In The Seductive Melodrama Of Eternal Struggle And Death.'
I know that's a bit unwieldy to expect to see on CNN. How about this, then:
'Adjacent Jew-Haters.' Okay, so the Adjacent Jew-Haters want their own
country. Oops, just one more thing: No, they don't. They could've had
their own country. Any time in the last thirty years, especially
several years ago at Camp David. But If you have your own country, you
have to have traffic lights and garbage trucks. And Chambers of
Commerce, and, worse, you actually
have to figure out some way to make a living.
That's no fun. No, they want what all the other Jew-Haters in the region
want:
Israel. They also want a big pile of dead Jews, of course --that's where
the real fun is -- but mostly they want Israel.
Why? For one thing, trying to destroy Israel - or 'The Zionist Entity' as
their Textbooks call it -- for the last fifty years has allowed the rulers of Arab
Countries to divert the attention of their own people away from the
fact that they're the blue-ribbon most illiterate, poorest, and
tribally backward on God's Earth, and if you've ever been around God's
Earth, you know that's really saying something.
It makes me roll my eyes every time one of our pundits waxes poetic
about the great history and culture of the Muslim Mid east. Unless I'm
missing something, the Arabs haven't given anything to the world since
Algebra, and, by the way,thanks a hell of a lot for that one.
Chew this around and spit it out: Five hundred million Arabs; five Million
Jews.
Think of all the Arab countries as a football field, and Israel as a
pack of matches sitting in the middle of it. And now these same folks
swear that if Israel gives them half of that pack of matches, everyone
will be pals..
Really? Wow, what neat news. Hey, but what about the string of wars to
obliterate the tiny country and the constant din of rabid blood oaths to
drive very Jew into the sea? Oh, that? We were just kidding.
My friend, Kevin Rooney, made a gorgeous point the other day: Just reverse
the Numbers. Imagine five hundred million Jews and five million Arabs. I
was stunned at the simple brilliance of it. Can anyone picture the
Jews strapping belts of razor blades and dynamite to themselves? Of
course not.Or marshaling every fiber and force at their disposal for
generations to drive a tiny Arab State into the sea? Nonsense. Or dancing for joy at the murder of Innocents? Impossible. Or spreading and believing horrible lies about the Arabs baking their bread with the blood of children? Disgusting.
No, as you know, left to themselves in a world of peace, the worst
Jews would ever do to people is debate them to death.
However, in any big-picture strategy, there's always a danger of losing
moral weight. We've already lost some. After September 11th our president
told us and the world he was going to root out all terrorists and the
countries that supported them. Beautiful. Then the Israelis, after
months and months of having the equivalent of an Oklahoma City every
week (and then every day) start to do the same thing we did, and we
tell them to show restraint.
If America were being attacked with an Oklahoma City every day, we would
all very shortly be screaming for the administration to just be done
with it and kill everything south of the Mediterranean and east of the
Jordan.
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