13 Reasons Muslim Terrorists Commit Suicide

The Latest from Planck's Constant

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13 Reasons Muslim Terrorists Commit Suicide Posted: 26 Apr 2012 06:07 PM PDT I am sure that all thinking people, and by thinking people I mean non-Muslims, have been wondering over the years why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets see now - here are 13 reasons: Although the word alcohol comes from the Arabic language there is No drinking, No beer, No bars (see Sausage and Booze Party Would Offend Muslims). No sports: No television, No cheerleaders (see Yemen beach volleyball team blames Sexy Cheerleaders for Defeat - Photos), No car races, No baseball, No football, No basketball, No hockey, and No tailgate parties. Rags for clothes and diapers for hats (see The Bad Towelheads and the Good Towelheads). You can't shave. Your wives can't shave. Your children can't shave. No fun food: No pork BBQ, No hot-dogs, No bacon-burgers, No lobster, No shellfish (see Muslim Dunkin Donuts - No Pork on my Fork). Your bride is picked by someone else (see Why 8 Year Old Girls Can Marry in Saudi Arabia). She smells just like your donkey,but your donkey has a better disposition. The women have to wear baggy dresses, and veils at all times (see Spanish town to vote on Burqa ban). You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung. Planck's Constant, The Best Way to Make Perfect Bacon For my Muslim readers who do not own ovens, I suggest heating dried camel dung to a blistering red hot and placing the bacon strips directly on the chips. This will also impart that extra flavor you all are used to. Constant wailing from the guy next door because he is sick and there are no doctors (see I Would Rather Be Dead than Buy Something From Israel). Lebanon's Hezbollah supporters take part in the Ashura ceremony Photo Credit: Ya Libnan No fun holidays: No Christmas, No Halloween, No Easter, No Thanksgiving, No Valentine's Day (see How Muslims Can Enjoy Valentine's Day and Make the World a Better Place). In your holidays you either can't eat for a month or you cut yourselves bloody. No fun: No nude women, No dating. No mixing of unmarried men and women anywhere (see Milk, Sugar or a Burqa with that Coffee?), No pretty women on beaches. If you do something wrong, you are stoned to death, decapitated, lashed to death, throat-slashed, or at the minimum have your nose cut off. Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better! See Islamic Paradise and 72 Delights. Really, now, is there a mystery here? Adapted from an Internet email. This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 72] and is updated on some Thursdays.

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