Andy Borowitz: CNN Says Nuclear Attack by North Korea Would Not Affect Coverage

CNN Says Nuclear Attack by North Korea Would Not Affect Whitney Houston Coverage

Wolf Blitzer Promises No Interruption

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – As North Korea ramped up its threats
to attack South Korea, CNN reassured its viewers that a nuclear war on
the Korean Peninsula would have "no effect whatsoever" on its Whitney
Houston coverage.

"As viewers, you have come to trust us to deliver the news whenever it
happens, wherever it happens, as long as that news is about Whitney
Houston," said Wolf Blitzer, host of the network's "Situation Room"
program. "We will never do anything to break that trust."

As Mr. Blitzer spoke, 23 of the Situation Room's 24 video monitors
featured images of Ms. Houston, with the 24th featuring an image of
her ex, Bobby Brown.

The news from CNN sent a chill through the senior leadership of North
Korea, who announced later today that it might postpone a nuclear war
until later in the week when the Whitney Houston coverage calms down.

"Good luck with that," Mr. Blitzer said. "The Oscars are this Sunday."

Meanwhile, in what some political insiders are calling a sign of
desperation, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney today had his
first name legally changed to "Not."

And a new study showed that the election of former Sen. Rick Santorum
would solve the U.S.'s immigration problems but create enormous ones
for Canada.

More:

The Borowitz Report
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Together, we can change the world, one mind at a time.
Have a great day,
Tommy

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Together, we can change the world, one mind at a time.
Have a great day,
Tommy

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