New Federal Government Golf Rules

Political News

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New Federal Government Golf Rules Posted: 01 Jan 2011 10:31 AM PST President Barack Obama has recess appointed a Golf Czar, Harvey Wholinone, who has announced that major rule changes in the game will become effective as early in 2011 as possible, and certainly in time for the spring golf season. These new rules are intended to improve the enjoyment of the game of golf by evening out the results achieved by golfers of differing skill levels. This is only a preview of some of the changes, as the complete rule book (expect about 2000 pages) is currently being rewritten by a group of academic chess players nestled in the White House basement under the supervision of preacher Jeremiah Wright and Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. Here are a few of the changes that have leaked out of the rule-changing committee. Golfers with handicaps: - below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%. - between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees. - above 18 will get a $20 check each time they play. The term "gimme" will be changed to "entitlement" and will be used as follows: - handicaps below 10, no entitlements. - handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter-length putts. - handicaps above 18, if your ball is on green, no need to putt, just pick it up. These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring. In addition, a player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par can that player begin to count his birdies and pars again. The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term "net score" will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above. This is intended to redistribute the success of winning by making sure that in every competition the above-18-handicap players will post only "net score" against every other player's gross score. God Bless America, and God Bless Barack Obama.

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