out on his yacht. When President Obama heard that he was relaxing, he
missed a putt.
Finally a good one from Letterman - whom I usually do not like much.
These are from Jimmy Fallon:
Late Night Jokes from Newsmax.com
Headlines (Scroll down for the latest jokes):
* The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
* Late Show Top Ten
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The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
● Father's Day just keeps getting bigger every year, thanks to DNA testing.
● President Obama is losing support from his own party over his handling
of the Gulf oil spill. Jimmy Carter even compared him to Jimmy Carter.
● There's a new trend for cat owners called "catios." It's a fence
around the patio for a cat. Now your cat can ignore you outdoors as much
as indoors.
● Sarah Palin has revealed that she tried marijuana, but didn't like it.
You know, 200 million Americans have tried marijuana and the only people
that don't like it are elected officials.
Editor's Note:
* Special: Interviews With Doctors Who Are Quietly Curing Cancer
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Ways Tony Hayward Can Improve His Image
10. Catch Osama
9. Contaminate waters around a country like North Korea
8. Reveal secret behind his soft and lustrous curly hair
7. Apologize on The Golf Channel
6. Shoot new BP commercial where he is viciously pecked by angry pelicans
5. Join Team Coco
4. Get a job at Poland Spring; accidentally dump a billion gallons of
water into the Gulf
3. Improve his image, are you kidding? He's doing great!
2. Hang out at BP station, let customers inflate his butt with air hose
1. Dial it back from "arrogant bastard" to "smug pr**k"
Editor's Note:
* The No. 1 Dividend Stock You Must Buy to Save Your Wealth
Late Show With David Letterman
● I hope everyone had a nice Father's Day. Nothing says "thanks Dad"
like a turbo nose-hair trimmer.
● People are upset with BP CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was
out on his yacht. When President Obama heard that he was relaxing, he
missed a putt.
● Tony Hayward, on Twitter, said that the oil spill is still his
priority. You know a guy cares when he tweets from his yacht.
● Faisal Shahzad, the Times Square Bomber, is now facing charges of
attempted terrorism and conspiracy to double-park.
Editor's Note:
* Doctor Exposes Prescription Drugs That Don't Work
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
● While this whole oil mess has been going on, President Obama spent the
weekend playing golf with Vice President Biden. Biden's handicap is 16
and Obama's handicap is Biden.
● It's rumored that Obama's Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel will leave the
White House at the end of the year. He says the work is important to
him, but he wants to spend more time screaming at his family.
● A man in Boston was arrested after he tried to rob an ATM, then got
stuck inside of it. He's safe now, but bad news — it wasn't his bank so
he was charged two dollars to take himself out.
● A company in California is coming out with a $44,000 mattress. It will
be layered with cashmere, mohair, silk, and then on top of that, a moron
who paid $44,000 for a mattress.
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