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Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Female Demerit System

       The Female Demerit System Explained
 
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. 
You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
 
Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
 You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
 You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
 Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3) 
 Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)
 
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
 You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
 You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION
 She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)
 
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
 She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000) 
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Feds order farmer to destroy his own wheat crops: The shocking revelations of Wickard vs Filburn

Harold | December 25, 2010 at 3:58 pm | Categories: Corruption, Criminal Activity, Executive, FDA, Food/Water, Government, Legislative, Police State, Progressives, Propaganda, Socialism/Communism, U.S. Constitution | URL: http://wp.me/pmtmV-5bL

Mike Adams, the Health Ranger 12/21/2010 In arguing for S.501, the "Food Safety Modernization Act," there are all sorts of attorneys, legislators and internet commentators who keep claiming, "The government won't try to control the food production of small farms." They say, "Your backyard garden is safe" and that the feds won't come knocking on [...]

Re: When farm kids get bored.

Sorry the pics did not get through. I can try to send them as attachments if you want. They showeed in the send messaage is all I can say. Glad you like my pics and toons. I enjoy sending them.

On Sat, Dec 25, 2010 at 11:01 AM, Bear Bear <thatbearguy@gmail.com> wrote:

pics didn't come though for me.

Thanks Travis. love the toons you post. nice to see I am not the only conservatinve with a sense of hunour.

Happy Christmas from Canada

Bear

On 25 December 2010 09:47, Travis <baconlard@gmail.com> wrote:

When farm kids get bored.

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Re: And I believe he is only in this because he loves the people and wants to help them

Hey Dick,

I caught that! "Rich Boy, Done Better".

Merry Christmas!

Keith

On Sat, Dec 25, 2010 at 4:42 PM, dick thompson <rhomp2002@earthlink.net> wrote:

I would not take that bet. It would be a sucker's bet IMNSHO. He did not get to be a billionaire by being stupid. He took what he got from daddy and built on it.

On 12/25/2010 04:34 PM, Keith In Tampa wrote:

I'd bet a dollar and a beer that this guy is another George Soros.

On Sat, Dec 25, 2010 at 4:25 PM, dick thompson <rhomp2002@earthlink.net> wrote:

http://cl.exct.net/?ju=fe6210797167017d7114&ls=fe1e1d777d6c0079741074&m=fefc1172766306&l=fed1157376640678&s=fe33157277640c7a741172&jb=ffcf14&t=

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Gotta love AGW

White Christmas in Alabama!! and not in NYC.

Dewey <lancaster28@gmail.com> Dec 25 03:17PM -0600 ^

*"...as rare as a white Christmas
in Alabama!"
*
Yes! It's snowing in Alabama! I've
been sitting on my porch watching
the falling snow. Large snowflakes.
We have about two inches on the ground
now.

A white Christmas in Alabama is very
rare. We've had very few in the last
100 years and none that I can recall
in my lifetime. This is a real treat
for me.

M E R R Y
C H R I S T M A S

Dewey