~
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
Bartender, 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate, 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
Bartender, 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?'
Pirate, 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.'
' Bartender 'What about that eye patch?'
Pirate, 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye.'
'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an eye just from bird shit.'
Pirate, 'It was my first day with the hook.'
~
A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans, with a box of frozen crabs, and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans, please raise your hand?"
Not one hand went up ... so she took them home and ate them.
Two lessons here:
1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.
~
Today I had to run to our local food store. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space.
I flagged the driver and pointed out a parking space in the handicap area. The driver looked puzzled. ''I'm not handicapped'' she said. Well, was my face red.
''Oh, sorry about that, I saw your Obama sticker and just presumed...''
She gave me the finger and called me some nasty names.
Sheesh! Some people... and you're just trying to help them.
~
Feel free to add your own.
Have a great Friday.
~ Hardnox
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