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I met a fairy the other day and she said she would grant me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant that particular wish."
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die the day after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!"
"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.
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One morning a blind rabbit was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large snake and fell right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh please excuse me," said the rabbitt "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake."To be sure, it was my fault.
I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself.. Maybe you could examine me and find out."
So the snake felt the rabbit all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!
The rabbit said, "I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of animal are you?"
The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"
The rabbit had felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're cold, you're slippery, and you haven't got any balls..... You must be a Liberal Democrat."
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Husband took the wife to a disco on the weekend.
There was a guy on the dance floor living it large - breakdancing,
moonwalking, back flips, the works.
The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he
proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!
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~ Hardnox
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